Jim Jamerson sipped on his drink which he had oh so ingeniously had put in his crystal wine glass. The shape of the glass allowed him to fully smell his drinks, a vital component in tasting what you're about to consume. He cringed but a little as the overly sweetened berry bubble gum flavor hit his palate or what he thought was berry bubble gum, the can which it originated was entirely in Korean with a blue demon dancing on a disco floor. Regardless the very best Korean DDR (whatever that was) players and some of the very the average Korean Starcraft players drank this to be on their best; and today if there ever was a day to be at his best it was today.

Jim looked at the controls to his sheep which lay in front of him, smiling. The Feds thought that they could stop him in his early years but no they were wrong they were always wrong. Jim laughed a deep and hearty laugh at the thought of sweet revenge which he was about to dole out. It. Would. Be. Perfect. He activated the battle controls and laughed again it would be so sweet.

A pop up window appeared and Jim leaned in to read it. "Please log on before continuing" it said. His hands a flash on the keys he finished with the enter key. The act reminding him yet again of the sweet revenge he would unleash sending him into another bout of laughter. "User name or password not recognized. Please try again" the screen told him breaking his laughter. Ensuring that he held the shift key before proceeding beyond the first three keys he continued with a flash and finished with a flourish on the enter key.

"User name or password not recognized. Please try again" the pop up told him yet again. So with the keystrokes of a novice typist, Jim hunt and punched with his index finger the password slowly but confidently. Tapping his fingers on the counter he waited for it to process his demands to enter his own desktop to initiate his program for his battle controls.

As he waited Jim thought about how he really should have gotten Windows XP but then he wouldn't get updates or support so Windows 10 was truly the only option or Linux but who uses Linux other than the government and ultra programmers who can't take the occasional inconvenience that the rest of the world must toil through... "User name or password not recognized. Please try again latter" the screen told him with a ten minute timer below it.

Jim looked at it with disbelief he was certain that his password was easy to remember and secure. It must have been last week's late night playing Age of Empires and he'd fallen asleep and been prompted to remake a password when he probably wasn't even in the state to properly put on pants. No matter, Jim thought, he had it programmed to be pushed to his head sheep whenever he remade a password.

Jim pushed off from the console and his controls and made his way to the elevator that would take him ground level. Once there he began to bemuse how in Ages of Empires the working men who diligently did your bidding wouldn't have any accidents. Which is impossible they were all amateurs when they weren't selected for war, amateur lumberjacks, amateur stone cutters, amateur stone layers. Surely one or two must have died from cutting the tree from the wrong side. But is novices or is neophytes the more proper term?

The bing of the elevator broke what otherwise could've been an endless chain of thought. Jim cursed, complained that the door to the "lobby" should be closed, and shielded his eyes from the light that he almost never saw from his bunker base as the elevator doors opened. It truthfully wasn't all that bright in the barn that was his lobby but he did like to complain about the simple things, Jim felt a good pointless complaint helped to keep him human. He stepped out and a pile of hay moved in place to cover the elevator doors behind him.

Jim yelled "Satachawahnanhquanni". Waiting for a minute or what felt like an eternity, Jim regretfully stepped out of the barn and yelled again. Moments later his head sheep dutifully pranced from a hill which it was "grazing" to its great master, bringing a renewed smile to Jim's face.

Satachawahnanhquanni wasn't a normal sheep just like the rest of the sheep that roamed his "farm" weren't normal sheep. They were electronic sheep. Jim had made their fluffy coats from the wool coats and sweaters, mostly gray but there could be a few multi-colored sheep roaming his hills. Also a few silver ones from when he ran out of a money flow and had to resort to steel wool. Not that steel wool was all that bad it did act as a good additional antenna for the microwaves radio signals that he used to control his sheep which he broadcasted about three feet above the earths surface. Which did violate about a dozen FCC regulations which they had put in for good reasons but no matter Jim had discovered another use for tin foil and invented radio reflective pants.

The fact that they were electronic sheep was thought out in every detail. Beyond the obvious fact that no one would think that sheep could do any harm was most peoples first mistake. But also other creatures which Jim had tested his mind control microwaves on had done acts of nature he could not unsee, things that made the movie Alien look like child's play. Also real sheep were too stupid to understand simple orders like "build me a bridge" or "make me a bunker which can withstand a Patriot missile" so they had to be electronic.

"Satachawahnanhquanni, reporting for duty" the sheep said while still "chewing" the grass which was falling from it's overfilled cheeks.

"Perfect, follow me into the barn," Jim said walking back into the darkness of the barn. "Why is the barn door still open?"

"You left it open at precisely 23:56 when returning from your..."

"It was rhetorical!" Jim yelled, "How many time have I said to close that dang door when I leave?"

"Exactly zero times, sir...but you have implied it 23 times, sir" the sheep said sheepishly his red light on top of his antenna flashing faster.

"So..." Jim said rolling his hand.

"So as head sheep I will now ensure that the master's barn doors are closed before you enter or exit your master control center" said Satachawahnanhquanni

"Good Satachawa. Now let's go to the command center I have important work to attend to" Jim said with a quick turn which added a flourish to his cape he had worn for microwave purposes.

As the elevator slowly descended the levels Satachawa (his pet name) stared longingly at Jim until due to the cramp space Jim decided that it was indeed time to address it. "Yes Satachawa, what is it?"

"Well my mighty and powerful master I was thinking that it would be nice to be a normal sheep sometime... I like roaming on hills" said Satachawa

Jim rolled his eyes not this again he thought, "In due time Satachawa, in due time. First we must complete the task at hand and destroy the Fed's for what they have done."

"Yes...sir" Satachawa said antenna light blinking slower.

Jim wished he didn't have to use some of a real sheep's psyche to make the sheep act more like sheep.
The short awkward silence was broken by the doors opening and the brisk walk to the desk. Jim sat at his commanding command chair. "Enter my correct password and proceed to activate attack protocols" Jim said while sipping on his blue glowing liquid which was as likely to give him wings as cancer.

"Yes sir" Satachawa replied accessing the console remotely which he had told master 43 times he could access from the barn and the field. "Sir the access hasn't been granted, you've been hacked. Did you remember not to click on any email links?"

"NOOO! NO! NO!! The pentagon has tricked me yet again!!!!!!!!!!!" Jim Jamerson screamed slumping in his chair.
"Master I have assume that you have again clicked a link and have ordered a new console while isolating this console from the servers" Satachawa said. Satachawa would have to remember to repackage the last console master had removed out of fear that the Pentagon had hacked it and have it ready in three days. "Sir seeing as the attack is on hold pending proper Pentagon protection I would like to return to the field to graze, otherwise some might find it strange that a man has been in his barn with his sheep for a long while."

"Leave me" Jim said hands cupping his face, "now."

And with that Satachawa pranced back to the elevator ready to slowly roam a picturesque hill.